When dating someone whos separated
Sure, they’ve been living separately; but the devil is in the details, and no one has sorted through those yet. But you’re not living in a perfect world; you’re living in Ben’s world.
Since it’s not likely that the two of you will take a hiatus while Ben gets his divorce done, let’s develop a practical plan to get you through this. He sat on the sidelines waiting to see what she would do next.
And when that happens, it’s anything but smooth, simple, and unemotional. That’s wear and tear on your relationship that would never have happened if Ben had wrapped up his divorce before you two started dating.
Even if that doesn’t happen, a divorce, no matter how civil, is nobody’s idea of a good time. So, yes, in a perfect world, people would conclude their previous relationships, paperwork and all, before entering into new ones.
I’ve recently met someone and we’ve fallen pretty hard for each other. Plus, she’s totally hung up on the fact that he said he was divorced on OKCupid. For reasons more pragmatic than principled, I am opposed to people dating before they are divorced.
We both have two kids in middle school: a girl and a boy. So, for all intents and purposes, it's like they're divorced, they just haven't done the paperwork. She says dating him is wrong because he’s still a married man. Dear In Love, I realize this happens all the time, but I think misrepresenting one’s marital status on a dating site raises legitimate questions about a person’s veracity. The bigger issue here is not that Ben said he was divorced on OKCupid, it’s that he is in fact still married.
We talked about our careers and there was a lot of laughs.
So date night rolls around and we go to a nice restaurant to talk and get to know each other more.
Before I could do the calculations in my head, he explained that he had married too young, in his early twenties, and not only did he have a wife he was separated from, but two sons. He followed that bomb with “I hope you’re okay with all of this? I tried to be a team player, but then reality set in.
Although I didn’t get dragged into the drama, I often had to hear about and see how all of it affected him.
With that being said, if a man is separated, he’s still married.
Sometimes in a marriage, couples find themselves with their backs against the wall.